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Movie Review – The Huntsman – Winter’s War

How in the world do you have four stellar actors, Jessica Chastain, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron and Emily Blunt – yet still make a flop – just have them headline The Huntsman – Winter’s War, that’s how.

Yes people it can be done!  I was of two minds when I first saw the trailer, one was that I loved all of the players and was literally thirsting for a glimpse of Charlize on the big screen again as the wicked queen.  Quite frankly, none has done it better but the other was of the equal and opposite reaction since I heard that the producer’s of Malificent also brought about this beaut!  Um, say what now?  This gave me huge pause as that movie, also starring one of my favorites was a complete and utter disappointment.

So let’s talk about it.  First off, the storyline – what an absolute bore.  Really did this all start from an in-clandestine rendezvous producing an illegitimate poopsie?

Talk about tale as old as time.  I mean honestly – I was under the impression that this was going to be an original story?  Are only Marvel writer’s the shizmit these days or what?  If that’s the case then the others better take pattern and find out what’s in the secret sauce?  What are they doing that has them creating the perfect blend of humor, romance, action and intrigue people???

The trailers lead you to be believe that this will be a battle between the sisters with everyone else caught in the middle but that is far from the case.  A tragedy strikes one sister and her reaction and subsequent actions is so far from reality that not even in the final hour does she obtain redemption or capture a morsel of pity.  You’re only left shaking your head at the absurdity of the loosely threaded scenes attempting to weave a story of cause and effect.  No dumplings this is simply a hodgepodge of characters, a love story spun from thin air and a hunger for power that while limitless results in no reward but the wanting of more.

I abhor movies like this because they require the audience to leave their rationality and common sense at the door.  The humor is as flat as the land from which it is drawn, Charlize makes her appearance near to the end and quite frankly I expected more of a fashion statement from the Queen.  If you’re going to show her for such a short time, let it be worth the wait.  Emily Blunt is the most fragile psychotic I’ve ever witnessed.  For someone who literally has ice in her veins she’s terribly warm, or perhaps just terrible.

Jessica Chastain’s attitude was reminiscent of Elizabeth Berkely in Showgirls but at least there was dancing and much more sex appeal in the latter.  I failed to see why exactly she had so much tude’.

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And Chris, while we prefer to watch you wield your hammer (though you’re never sans hammer are you darling – tee hee) – playing an addle brained fool in love didn’t gel here.  I didn’t feel the chemistry betwixt these two at all.  My daughter liked it, my hubby rolled his eyes and my best friend and I gritted our teeth through its entirety.

You could skip it.  Save your coins for Captain America, Civil War.

 

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