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Dear Diary 11.29.2015

This week things are on the upswing.  I think I have to stop bitching and moaning about work.  It’s become like a man you’re saddled with, either except the blaggard or move on from him.  Since I haven’t won the lottery, I must accept, regulate my stress level and keep it pushing.

Now I hate talking about weight because it seemed like a topic of discussion for everyone around me since I was about 20.  That was 22 years ago.  But OMGosh may I say that I have just let it all go to pot for the past month at least.  I mean in my defense I’ve been really really busy.  I’ve been blogging and editing HIM and working and dealing with family stuff so when I do have time I’d rather sleep.  However there have been times when I could have gotten some exercise in but I just said to hell with it.  Yeah I surely did.  I chose sleep, counting sheep, shopping on Amazon, watching monkeys swim, just about anything else rather than get off of my arse and jump on my iron giant.  My motivation has been nil.  Well that’s got to be over now.  I really need to change a few key things and just restart a few others.

I’ve got to get to work earlier.  Time is no longer the enemy but for some reason when it comes to the work week am – I just find that I give in to sleep and end up late.  It sucks.  It’s nobody’s fault but my own and I think after all of this time, I’ve got to get on the ball with that and change!  So we start again.  Tomorrow I hope to just get up when my alarm goes off, get my exercise in and get moving. I know if I get to work on time my stress level will be that much more decreased and the world won’t seem quite so insane.

As for HIM, the proofreader is sending it back to me and next week I plan on going through the changes.  Can’t wait!  The proofreader even said that the ending was completely unexpected and she hopes I make a sequel!  Very inspiring!  I’m so psyched!

If I ever got to that Harry Potter Author Level I would buy huge plots of land someplace warm and take the entire family with me.  Everyone gets a house, we’re close but we’re not too close and we just work, eat, live but no one has to worry about a mortgage!  It’s my pipe-dream!

On other news my sailor is going to Virginia for his Christmas party and staying for awhile to catch up with his buddies.  At first I thought I might have something to worry about but I don’t think that’s the case.  We were very far apart when he first came back but like a rubber band we’ve snapped back and we seem stronger than ever.  Growing pains I guess.  We’ve been apart for awhile, grown and changed in opposite directions so it will take us a minute to get accustom to each other again.  Well I think we’re just now getting to that phase and I feel very close to him now. We’ll see how it goes but thus far I’m learning to maneuver myself better and not look at things the same way.  Things are different, and I’m trying to just roll with the tide.

I was wondering what I’ll do with my time here while he’s away.  But truthfully I think a great deal of chic flicks are in order and I might just catch a drink with my girls if the mood hits us.  Right now I feel and look like a butterball turkey so I’ll be working on that for a minute.  My better half Row will be here soon so we’ll be spending some girl time as well!  Can’t wait.  It’s already been too long.

I did something I don’t usually do.  I surprised my parents with a “drop in.”  I’ve been analyzing my relationship with my parents and I keep thinking I want to be closer to them but I’m not really doing much to foster that.  So I think it’s time to start gently pushing myself in a little bit.  I know they don’t really like drop-ins  – guess what?  Neither do I.  I see where I get it.  Neither of us are comfortable asking for help and neither of us are comfortable with the breaking of our routines.  We’re like old people that way.  So I’ve decided that sometimes I’m going to be pushy in the gentlest of ways and just drop in on them, check on them and see how they’re doing and see where I can be helpful.  My parents are fiercely independent people.  I am grateful.  They raised some very independent girls.  That’s good and bad because neither we nor they are very comfortable asking for help.  So I’m going to need to be more present in order to spend time with them and satisfy us both on that front and also to be able to tell if they need help and be helpful when it’s required.  It’s not just important to them but it’s really important to me.  I love my parents and I’ve discovered that I really can’t do without them.  I mean I really can’t.  If we’re not connected, my parents, me and my sister, I’m literally lost.  What I’ve come to understand is that it’s not their responsibility alone to stay connected.  It is mine as well.  And so I’m going to do all I can to get closer to them and stay connected as much as possible and I’m really looking forward to that.  I gave and received a bunch of hugs from my mom and I can’t tell you how much they bolster me.  Kind of odd for me to recognize that but there it is.

And that’s all she wrote.  Toodles poodles.