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Dear Diary – 12/7/2015

So this week has been a pretty good all things considered.

Unfortunately C’s grandmother’s health is not doing too well.  During Thanksgiving she called us all in her room one by one to tell us whatever she wanted to say – she could feel that she didn’t have long more on this earth and she wanted to make sure she told us to pray and keep close with God that the end times was near.  I got to tell her how much we loved her while she’s still with us and lucid as well as her grand-kids including C so that was nice.  You don’t always get to say goodbye.

C and I stole a date night during the week since he left for Virginia on Friday.

We went to my favorite movie theater to see “Creed”, of which a full review will follow.  But wtf?  We go to this lovely theater that my cuz introduced us too, with these divine reclining seats – no one can kick my chair, finally – I think I can breathe and the ratchedness simply follows me everywhere.  Now either it is everywhere or it’s following me.  Sometimes I think my Jesus is trying to teach me something but I’m hard headed and I ain’t learned the lesson yet.  C tells me that the lesson is to get out of the ghetto theater but I just can’t accept that.  The seats be callin me but these days it hardly seems worth it.

Last time we went there to see The Martian the couple next to us swore they were in bed – together – alone.  The chic was sneezing and coughing like she had TB and the flu and her man was treating her like we were on a Save The Children marathon, tucking her in, feeding her, giving her water.  Lord have mercy I thought I was gonna lose my damn mind and beat the crap out of both of them!

But I must say, this time, was an absolute winner.  I knew the minute the couple sat down next to us and the chica graced me with a look that said “bitch you can’t take my man” that shit was gonna be weird.  Little did I know!  First off, ain’t nobody want your man.  This is not an episode of Love and Hip Hop.  Your man look like Shaggy and Ray Jay had a baby and maybe he got the length from Mista Lov-a Lov-a but he definitely got his – how did Richie Dollars put it – bitch-ass-ness from your boy Ray – who I think looks like a Mighty Ninja Turtle sans the mightE alrightE.  Nah bro.  Ain’t nobody want your ass.

So then was totally shocked when dude was the one who sat near me.  Wow, what was this, some kind of test?  Girl Bye!

Now why is it that right when the movie starts dudes phone starts ringing?  Are you freakin’ serious?  Not only did he proceed to take the call, but it sounded like he was directing the other person on the party line as to how to sneak into the theater.  Are we freakin’ for real???  Right about now I’m waiting for Ashton Kutcher and the Punked Team cause this shit here really can’t be real!

Now I know dude is a punk ass because the whole time he was talkin’ I was staring at him like he grew an Avatar tail and he didn’t even twist 5 degrees to the right, just kept his eyes trained at the screen like we all could lip read like this motherfucker!  I damn near missed the whole conversation between Felicia Rashad and Michael B. Jordan.  I didn’t know who girl was to the damn kid.  Now I was totally pissed!

But wait – undoubtedly there’s more.

A few minutes later there’s flashes like somebody decided to wear a police siren on their head.  Yes – that’s right – they didn’t silence their phone or turn off the 12 alarm light-show notification every time someone decides to “Like” their ratchet pictures on Facebook.  Really boo?  That’s how you do?

If there was security to call I would have been the first one out the door but let’s face it, theaters are owned by corporations and operated and run by kids.  And I can’t put a 18 year old kid in the position to tell this big thug lookin’ grown ass (debatable) man something that may or may not set him off.

Ok, I settle down and try and enjoy the movie.  But an hour into it, dude gets what – yes you guessed it – another call.

And he starts talkin like he’s home by himself – chillaxin on his own couch.

At this point I’m ready to beat his ass.  Unless you a doctor and a lawyer – and your patient is also your client in the hit and run crime of the century – dude stop.  Lord have mercy this is the only time I wish I was law enforcement.  And of course, I’d be the only 5-0 to land myself in jail cause you know I’d be threatening this fool Dirty Harry Style and ask him to make my day!

Instead I decided I’d just talk myself down from the ledge and talk to my Jesus before I beat this man with his own foot!

Lord have mercy I just don’t know what’s wrong with people these days.  They make a beautiful and comfortable movie theater so you can relax and enjoy the big screen as if you were in your own home but damn, no one stopped to survey the way some people are about when they’re in their own home.

I’m dangerously close to being one of those old, weird, recluse people with a cat, a dog, a bird and a television set.  If I start collecting newspapers in plastic bags somebody help me.