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Dear Diary 4.16.2015

It’s been a minute.  A lot has happened and I think I avoided you because too much happened to even write about.  Lately I’ve been feeling like a hamster on a wheel, feel like I’m moving a whole lot, thinking a whole lot and yet nothing is getting done.  For the first time in light years my attitude is full of laziness.  I just can’t seem to focus on anything long enough to complete a task.  I’m sleepwalking through my days, getting only the bare minimum done and wasting the rest of my time.  It’s an old bad habit that I’ve been indulging.  When I have so much to do because I’ve let it pile up, the weight of it cripples me and I end up thinking about doing everything and actually doing hardly anything.  But now I’ve had my fill of that.  I’m in the mood to complete tasks and so i will adopt the proper attitude of one task at a time, one thought in my head until completion and then move down the list.  It’s the only effective way to get it right.

As for the update on the thievery there will be no legal harsh outcome.  But as my cousin reminded me, God gave me exactly what I asked for, he gave me a way to be certain I knew without a doubt the identity of the culprit.  And once I realized that law enforcement’s hands were tied, God gave me the final gift so that I could close this chapter and move forward.  He allowed me to communicate with said thief and say every single thing that was on my mind to this wretched asshole.  And I did.  And he basically took it.  I didn’t need any more confirmation of his guilt but his lack of fight affirmed it all once more.  It’s over.  I don’t really wanna say lesson learned because I am that flower child that trusts until you give me a reason not to.  Once you do, then I act accordingly.  But do I want this experience to change me?  Turn me into that cynical person who doubts upon site?  No.  I do NOT.  I wanna remain every bit the coco puff that I am.  I never usually deal with people of that sort anyhow so there’s little chance of a repeat performance.  I would like to say this was not a lesson but more of a negative experience.  No lives or limbs were lost, nothing was taken that could not be replaced so I’m good.  In fact since I was able to convey all of my vile thoughts to said beast I am more than ok.  My anger is expelled and I can move past this, move past him like roadkill!  Deuces Beeatch!

As for work, it’s going swimmingly well.  I’ve more than an ally in my confection of perfection, I’ve a sister in arms.  As it turns out we’ve got a great deal of shared experiences with sunshine and her VIP.  Sunshine has actually quite surprised me.  Of course my very nature is flirty.  If you hadn’t already known I flirt will all, any and every, kids, men, women, trees, cats, dogs, birds, hell even the door post!  It’s a natural state of being for me.  I smile, I giggle, I throw witty, salacious comments at everyone – most throw it back.  The ones that do not engage – I check the box marked humorless and keep it quite without color concerning them and move on.

Sunshine has been throwing it back with a curve ball that shocks even me but it tickles me just as much.  It’s the non affair affair I’m comfortable with.  I’ve had an office hubby and I quite like it.  With all that I do for him I feel like I’ve earned the title so for him to throw some softness my way creates an intimacy and bond that works well within our environment.  Hysterically enough I had dindin with my parents last night and Sunshine called me at 9:30pm to ask me something about his calendar.  I couldn’t answer him as I was nowhere near my computer however I told him I’d get back to him when I get home.  We then had some cute banter over my dinner meal (mother’s West Indian cooking butterfish and spinach), which of course my lucky charm wouldn’t know anything about.   My mama’s eyebrows shot up a bit and of course she asked me if I was working for a male or female.  I’m sure when I answered the phone I had my girly giggly voice which is anything but professional…lol  Truthfully I’m just happy I found a home where I can be myself.  I’ve had one before and I’m quite addicted.  of course sometimes the hot and cold action leaves me at a loss and even a little heartbroken.  But that’s the push and pull of any relationship with men I find.  When they’ve got business going on, or other things on their plate they push you to the wayside and when their mind and schedules are less busy they remember you once more.  It’s annoying as fuck and actually I’ll never get use to it.  I always feel like a happy go lucky puppy when I talk to the men in my life and when their reaction is damn near frigid I feel like the puppy that got kicked in the face just as it ran up to it’s master in greeting.  It ain’t so hot kittens.  Of course as my confection of perfection and I discussed, just after you get kicked in the face and withdraw it only takes a smile or a few kind words to get you back in the nook.  The cycle continues.  And this inevitably determines your good days and bad days at the office.

Did I mention that when I did get back at home a little after midnight – I emailed my sunshine as i thought it was too late to text him with what he needed.  And oddly enough when my alarm went off, guess who texted me at 3:51am??? Oddly enough the message was quite professional, no warmth whatsoever.  But upon analyzation if you will – it’s almost like only someone intimate could feel they have the right to text you at 3:51am but to camouflage the intent of that intimacy your words remain professional.  Hmmm… could be kids – then again could be that the man was up at that UnGodly hour and doesn’t really pay attention to time and simply communicates what he needs whatever the hour.  Who the heck knows?

Anyhoo I’ve spent more time on these thoughts then one could ever imagine and quite frankly no need to spend any more.

I’ve got things to do places to go and people to see.

Toodles, Poodles