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Dear Diary 6/5/2015

This week has been kinda phenomenal actually.  Work has been great.  I feel like I’m really effective here.  My sunshine and I are getting on famously.  And I must say I’m thrilled to have my work Blackberry because it’s sooo effective at searching through emails in a jiffy.  I don’t know why I was never effective at searching through my emails on my iphone but whoops there it is!  I can find any email on my Blackberry and give sunshine whatever he needs in three point nine shakes of a lambs tail!  And I’m getting all of the love.  In fact he thought I made a mistake the other day – he approached me and said now you know I love you right…lol  That’s sooo something I would say! Soo hoorah!  We’re in it to win it!

I’m also gettin all of the love from my Prince at work.  Yes quite frankly he impresses the shit outta me.  He’s just so damn smart.  I listen to him talk in meetings and just in general and anyone as funny as my sister and i, quick witted, I mean he really comes with it in a heartbeat – is near genius level.  Plus he’s so sweet to me!  Prince, princess and Romanoff were in the conference room having lunch which they generously invited me into.  (Which is great because I don’t work late like the rest of these guys and they really have a lot of bonding sessions over drinks which I’m never apart of.)  It’s just too late for me – and what with my two hour trek home it’s just not feasible.  So anyhoo, I was chillin’ with them in the conf. room and they started telling stories and we were bonding and it was phenomenal.  And they asked me how I like it here?  And I was like I love it, cause of course, I DO!  And Prince was like – “how can we make it better for you?”  I was floored – cause my entire purpose here besides being sunshine’s everything – is to take care of these guys.  I don’t think in my over 20 year career has anyone asked me if they can make it better for me.  Whoa!  And ya wonder why I dubbed him Prince?  Well wonder ova!!! Tis obvious half-lings!

So my hubby whom I thought would be home by now is actually in Bahrain.  I have no clue as to when he’s actually gonna make it home but I wish it would be soon.  I’m over all of this other shizmit, the extra.  Men are far more trouble than they’re worth and I use the term “men” loosely.  Sometimes I truly wonder exactly what we get out of this deal with them in the first place.  I mean I’m wired to desire them, and I do.  I crave certain things, their strength, literally, my laundry bags are a heavy!!! I crave their warm, again, literally, my toes are always cold!  I crave the date nights, while my girls and my friends are awesome sauce, it’s NOT the same.  My man is my romance.  And truthfully (which I only just discovered myself and NO ONE is more surprised than me honey child) is I crave the way my sailor’s hug makes me feel safe.  And I gotta tell you, a few things happened that made me feel just the opposite.  And mind you, I’m a strong woman!  When you back me into a corner I come out fighting like a tigress.  If you don’t know you better ask somebody!  But there have been a few instances where after the fight, I’m spent.  I never let em’ see me sweat but truth be told the fights take more outta me than ever before.  And at this point I’m ready to do something unique, something I don’t think I’ve ever done, emotionally and psychically lean on my man.  And I do mean my man.  This part time – extra whatever ain’t workin out for me.  Truthfully it never has and whatever it may have given me in the past doesn’t have the same appeal now.  Now I want mine.  The one that is mine and that’s it.  Cut.  End Scene.  Now that he will be all mine again I want a new life.  I want to walk into the sunshine together and leave everything else behind.

This is new for me.  Putting all of my eggs in one basket has never been something I’ve done.  I never even realized it’s a risk I just couldn’t bring myself to take.  But now I’m ready.  Because I know that if something happens I’m going to be ok.  I just can’t live my life anymore on a contingency plan – no more backups.  It’s all or nothing.  And I’m surprised at how good I am with that.

So here we go.  All of the writing is going to close a chapter and open another.  Can I swear that I’m going to feel like this forever?  No.  I can’t.  But for right now, this is how I feel and this is what it is.  A new adventure.  Let’s see how this unfolds.

On other breaking news – I bought a bag from  – Now if you know me you know that the most I’ve ever bought a bag for is $100.  Well I spent $185 on a designer bag – and I can’t wait to get my hands on it.  My tastes are shifting now.  I feel more sophisticated at this age and I want some of my fashion to reflect that.  I absolutely love my dresses that I’ve gotten at Bolton’s and Strawberry.  Everyone at work seems to really dig my style.  Over here everyone else has to be conservative because they’re in meetings, etc. But here just like all of my previous jobs people seem to accept my style – it’s much more colorful and it really matches my personality.  And thank God everywhere I’ve worked, people have been diggin’ it rather than trying to suppress it.  So I’ve got the watch, I’m getting the bag and the next splurge item that I would like is a silk scarf, an expensive one, no imitation.  I saw this lady walking around the other day with the most beautiful, colorful scarf I’d ever seen and I thought to myself, hey, I want that!  So at some point I’ll get it hopefully.

Toodles poodles!