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Dear Diary 7/19/2016

Sooo it’s been one heck of a month.  Black lives matter and the chaos of the NYPD deaths has all but consumed me on my FB.  I’m soooo sick to death of every time someone posts anything re: Black Lives Matter that some other fool has to post All Lives Matter.  Let’s get one thing clear – IF all lives matter there would be NO need for Black Lives Matter.

Black Lives Matter is a positive response to all of the evidence pointing to the atrocious fact that obviously they do NOT matter.  If they did matter than police wouldn’t be blatantly murdering them ON camera no less!  I, like many others saw this shit storm coming a mile away, after Sean Bell, after Oscar Grant, after Trayvon Martin and countless other victims.  How long do you think people are going to preach, teach, quietly protest and pray before a few decide this bullshit has to end and the only way these people are going to feel our pain is if we start taking some of them out?  Let’s also be clear that most people – Black, White, Purple, Smurfs – INCLUDING myself – are NOT cool with targeting and murdering law enforcement.  Let’s NOT become the thing we hate.  HOWEVER, let this be evidence to the place that we are in.  Let these heinous actions of the few bad apples, police and civilians alike be brought to justice.  And believe you and me, for the perpetrators of the police murders, justice will be swift and merciless.  Let it finally be equally so for the police that criminally murder innocent civilians – chiefly – Black civilians.  Let’s also note that the police that dishonor the uniform by murdering innocents Have indeed branched out and are targeting non Black civilians as well.  Injustice for one is indeed injustice for all.  DO NOT let this land on your doorstep in a more personal fashion before your blinders come off.  STAND UP for your fellow man!

Okay, that’s my soapbox.  Take it or leave it.

As for the rest of my life – deep, deep breath here.

I really am trying.  43 is unlike anything I’ve ever come across before.  It’s a real zinger to your self esteem.  I mean some days I’m on cloud nine and I feel like a million bucks and some days not so much.  The thing is, that’s not me.  I usually feel pretty good most of the time.  I get in my exercise when I can but not as much as I would like.  My energy is still a bitch – a bitch that’s hiding in Europe because it sure ain’t here!  I feel like that’s a constant and consistent struggle.

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I still haven’t done any of my videos – for months now.  I’m beginning to wonder if I should even continue them but there’s a nagging voice on my shoulder that says I should.  That all of these items collectively that I’m utilizing to push myself out there, has value, even if I can’t see it now.


Writing has been something I haven’t really done much of.  There are long intervals that pass where I haven’t done substantial writing at all.  Work is work, and it’s busy.  My sailor is working now and that presents its own challenges.  He’s on his feet all day and he’s got foot issues.  Last night his foot swelled up pretty good, even though we got him some Dr. Scholl’s – it’s not a magic cure.  We probably can invest in some sturdier shoes but he’s only going to be doing this for 2 months – probably not worth the investment.  So he’s living with it.  I’m doing what I do best and picking up the slack where I can.  We do what we can.

By the by, I’ve inflated my budget because I haven’t cooked since Obama took office except for sporadic moments and GrubHub and Seamless make my life so incredibly easy that I’m just spoiling myself with the ease of using both aps.  I think I need a second job just to cover our food.  Seriously after I come back from Texas I’m really going to have to get it together and take a page out of my kid’s book and cook a few things on the weekend and pick at the food during the week.  It’s the only sensible thing to do.


So this Texas thang – can’t wait to go to this wedding.  I wasn’t prepared at all – in fact I just got my dress yesterday – and let’s just say – about the dress – funny enough – the first thing I thought when I saw it was – this is my mama’s style.  NOW before you go hemming and hawing – I love my mama’s style.  She’s a classy lady and she’s always looked it and dressed the part.  I just never thought her style suited me.  Well, that is – until NOW.  When I tried it on for my sailor, I told him prior, have an open mind.  And when he saw it, he said he liked it, that I actually looked nice.  He did mention though it’s a bit cooliE.  And he’s right.  I knew that – I mean seriously it’s got sequins and tulle!  But I’m alright with that.  What surprised me is that he said a few of my dresses are cooliE and that baffled me.  I thought this was my first one – oh well – who knew?

So since all of excess weight seems to be depositing in the middle – I broke down and got myself a body-shaper.  I want to look as nice as I can possibly look so I think this will cover me.  I can still wear the dress as is but I prefer a little bit of help.  I got it on Amazon after a tiny bit of preliminary research.  If it’s all that and a bag o’chips, I’ll blog about it’s many gifts!  I’m even considering getting an everyday slimmer so I can control my appetite.  Though truth be told that’s not my issue.  I don’t eat much, I just eat all of the wrong things.  I’m too much of a sweet mouth as we West Indians say.

The other day I had dinner with my mom and sis and we had such a great time.  Evenings like that with us girls is what I’ve always wanted.

On other breaking news though the tiger is caged (and should be) – he wrote to me professing all kinds of baloney.  However I ain’t the gal I use to be.  I SHUT THAT DOWN.  The only thing I want to deal with is what I got – all of that extra can kiss my rass!  I’m not about it anymore.  I want my sailor, my family, my friends, my writing and not much else.  I want my life as simple as possible.  It don’t make sense for me to look for treasure I already have.  PEACE, LOVE and HAIR-GREASE as my girl Lilah says.